Any relationship breakdown, especially a family separation with children involved, is profoundly challenging. While ensuring the children cope with the separation, the emotional well-being of the parents often takes a backseat. Dealing with separation can trigger a spectrum of emotions—from loss and sadness to anger and confusion, sometimes even relief and exhilaration—making it tempting to suppress these feelings and postpone addressing them.
According to the Counselling Directory, neglecting these complex emotions:
“Could lead to more problems, including mental/emotional issues such as anxiety, depression, low self-esteem, and dysfunctional family relationships. It is important to identify and acknowledge the emotions you are feeling rather than ignore them.”
So, how do we manage these feelings amid the chaos of separation? Here are some effective ways to cope with separation and maintain emotional stability.
- ACCEPT THAT ALL FEELINGS ARE VALID
The first step in managing emotions during a separation is to acknowledge and accept them. If you feel sad or angry, permit yourself to experience these feelings without acting on them. Recognition alone can help diminish the intensity over time, fostering a healthier emotional state as you adjust to new family dynamics.
- EXPRESS YOUR EMOTIONS
High emotional moments are expected during family breakups, often triggered by specific incidents or overwhelming stress. Don’t be afraid to let out these pent-up emotions. Whether it’s venting to a friend, crying, or even finding a secluded spot to scream or smash plates, expressing your emotions is a healthy release. This might feel like an adult tantrum, but it can be remarkably cathartic.
- EXPECT THE UNEXPECTED
Emotional reactions to separation can be unpredictable. You might anticipate relief after ending a challenging relationship but find yourself overwhelmed by sadness or regret instead. Or, you may brace for devastation only to feel an unexpected calm or relief, leading to guilt or confusion. Maintain an open mind and address each emotion without preconceived expectations.
- MAINTAIN A POSITIVE OUTLOOK
Encouraging positive thinking can be as challenging as swimming across the Atlantic Ocean when dealing with separation. However, focusing on the positives can substantially ease the emotional journey. Surround yourself with supportive family members and friends, focus on constructive aspects of your life, and practice gratitude. This positive environment will help you navigate through this transitional phase more smoothly.
- GIVE IT TIME
Time may not heal all wounds, but patience is crucial during the initial turbulent phase of separation. Emotions will fluctuate intensely, similar to a life support machine’s readings. Gradually, as everyone adapts to the new normal, these emotions will stabilise. Trust that time will bring calmer and more manageable days.
- STAY SOCIALLY CONNECTED
Isolation can exacerbate loneliness and depression, especially for single parents managing a hectic life. Keep in touch with friends and family through phone calls when possible, and consider joining support groups or online communities that cater to people dealing with separations. Staying connected is vital for mental health and emotional resilience.
- PRIORITISE QUALITY SLEEP
Quality sleep is crucial while managing separation-related stress. Lack of sleep can intensify irritability and exacerbate emotional challenges. The Mental Health Foundation emphasises the significance of sleep for mental and physical health, linking poor sleep to increased anxiety and depression. If sleep issues persist, consulting a healthcare provider is advisable to improve your sleep quality.
- PRACTICE REGULAR SELF-CARE
Self-care is a cornerstone of good mental health and coping with separation. Whether it’s enjoying a quiet cup of coffee, engaging in physical activities like running or yoga, or participating in mindfulness exercises, find what helps you relax and make it a part of your routine. Regular self-care enhances your overall well-being and helps maintain emotional balance.
Further reading: Self-Care During Separation and Divorce: A Guide to Well-being
- LOOK FORWARD, NOT BACK
Initially, it’s natural to dwell on past relationship breakdowns and wonder about what went wrong. However, it’s more beneficial to learn from the past and then move forward. Focus on building a new life and setting achievable goals. Looking forward can be motivating and is often filled with opportunities that outweigh what was left behind.
Further reading: Things to look forward to after you separate that may be a nice surprise
- SEEK PROFESSIONAL HELP
Don’t be afraid to seek help if you are struggling significantly with negative emotions post-separation. Reaching out for professional support through dispute resolution services or therapy can be a sign of strength. A referral from your GP can start you on the path to recovery and help you navigate the complexities of family separation more effectively.